P4 - Script Third Draft

 P4 - Script Third Draft

In the third draft, I only marginally extended the script to start the next scene, but I had received client feedback from the last draft which I was gradually working through. My summary of the feedback is as follows:

(General screenwriting advice)

-Throughout the screenplay, hammer in the themes of the series - think 'What is the series actually about?'

-Don't tell the Director, producer, cinematographer exactly what to do (e.g. don't mention specific shots unless necessary)

-If something is important to the story, make that clear in its presentation

-Every word should mean something to potential crew members.

-Sit down and read the script with other people out loud - Helps to pick out bad parts.

-Characters - don't describe physical attributes unless it's important to the character - instead, describe their characteristics - what kind of person are they?

-Try and get parentheticals into the action block if possible.

-Don't try to hide twists / secrets in the script, the crew need to know everything beforehand.

(Direct feedback for my screenplay)

-Remove opening 'wide on' and other shot types + reveal (already implied in action blocks)

-Opening - what is an urban area?

-"That can't be legal" not something most people would say - Is this something about June? If not, change to 'right'.

-Remove italics on dialogue

-Forgot a Cont.d after June interrupts

-SCORPIO - Don't need to add extra details on dialogue because it's already explained.

-Try to avoid writing anything that could be misinterpreted

I'd corrected the obvious mistakes provided in the feedback, as well as work through and consider the other points of advice. Everything written from this point considers the advice in order to avoid making the same mistakes again.